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The Stories are Forming

A Ballad of Backwards and Forwards is coming along.

These are the stories of everyday, of the sometimes mundane, the humdrum, the banal, that are now anything but those things - because they are heightened by life events.

Something has happened that turns stopping at a service station for a rest break, and coming out of the bathrooms to see no-one waiting for you, into a sudden punch to the stomach that you weren't expecting.

Shuffle on a playlist plays a theme tune to a memory of silliness and play that has you laughing out loud.

A dish on the menu can be ordered with no fear of faces being pulled with its abundance of garlic or avocado!

The positivity that goes with moving forward - it's about still feeling the memory, but embracing it and holding it with you as you keep going.

It's about knowing life is for living and getting a boot up the behind to takes some risks, and have ago. Don't sit still, navel gazing.

Also - sit still and navel-gaze - but put a time limit on it. Indulge the thoughts but be ready to recognise if they become too dark to deploy your escape route. Mine is often a loud shout, and I physically get up and move to a new location.

It's wondering what to do with all the biscuits that are still in the cupboard, so throw a biscuit party to use them up.

The sun, the frost, actually just feeling - a heightened reaction to my senses, help me feel alive.

Wearing lipstick to give the illusion to myself as well as others that I have it together.

Still believing in magic and refusing to go the other way.

The funeral music debacle with Deb, and talking to someone I had no clue of, slightly tipsy, and allowing myself to think sod it - I have a pass, I'm the widow.

Ghost house, full of silent laughter and shrieks of joy and noises only I can hear.

Having counselling allows me to talk about all that's in my head, which does make me feel a bit self-indulgent, but oh my gosh it helps. The following days, I feel lighter, my head has room to process thoughts (from the inconsequential to meaningful - if I don't empty them from my head it can take 24 hrs or longer for the most basic decisions to be made).

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