
Well, that was a massive conclusion to The Ballad of Backwards and Forwards. My project proposal for Made in the Middle, a touring exhibition that comes around roughly every four years from Craftspace was accepted. Essentially it was about how I was going to process my grief though making 7 pieces based around the Seven Stages Of Grief. In my head it was a Caela Stages of Grief.
I have applied 4 times over the last 20 years to get into this exhibition, so really wasn't expecting this proposal to be successful, but figured it would help me focus my continuing collection through the year anyway.
The fact that it was, was almost beyond my comprehension at first. Then more sadness, as Grant woud have been so utterly thrilled for me, as he had had to endure my many previous proposal drafts until I thought they were right (but obviously never proved to be). Oh, the irony of this one working. But he also would have loved it anyway.
Continuing my show collection and this new part of "the Ballad..." through the entirety of the year held my focus. The work evolved as it grew and allowed me almost the indulgence of acknowledging my thoughts and (along with counselling) the opportunity to see light at the end of the tunnel. I, of course, am nowhere near complete, grief seems to be an ever constant companion now, but it hits less, at the moment.
Someone once told the the analogy of grief being a ball inside me, as a box. At first the ball is a beach ball, and does nothing but richochet off each facet of me, but over a time period it becomes smaller. Every hit is just as hard as the last, but the hits become less often as the ball decreases. This description I recognise.
I think the only negative of the collection was in its keeping me focussed on The Grief. Towards the end of the year, I really wanted to just move on, fo rthingsto be lighter, for some relief - for goodness sake . The thing was, the collection was only finished right at the last minute (12th Jan, delivery date 13th Jan!!!), despite being started in July. My head wasn't in a good place around that time (anniversary central - Grants birthday, Fathers day, our wedding anniversary, and then Death day) and then in August dad started to need more of my time. This then increased up until the beginning of January when he died. This all slowed my making. So right now I need and want a change. In fact, that is what this post was supposed to be about. However I think I needed this preamble. Next is about the new collection...
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